February 9, 2020
The next morning when Rosemary arrived, they all assumed their usual seats. Miss Jasmine began:
“Of course you’re wondering what happened to Little Roberta. Kenneth and Larry know all about it. Rosemary and Sam, this is what I’ve told them before. I feel pain when I tell it. I’ll try not to cry.
“Little Roberta was our joy, and the joy of the church. She and Miss Amy were singing partners, and Roberta’s speaking ability was flying along. She said she wanted to read and was excited to start first grade. She was enrolled at Griffin, where I went as a little girl. This was September 1956. Griffin was still ‘the black elementary school.’
“The first day of school, Mrs. Atkins drove us even though the school is within walking distance. We all wanted to show off our little girl. Little Roberta was so happy. ‘I’m going to school, Mama! I’m going to read like you, Mama! Read like Miss Roberta, and Miss Kat! And like Miss Amy!’
“But nobody had told Roberta the adults didn’t stay at the school with the children. On that first day when the moment came for us to go home, Roberta didn’t know why we were leaving. She started to cry, and she had never cried. We told her, ‘Don’t cry, Roberta. You’ll be here with friends every day and then come home to us and do homework.’
“When Roberta processed that, she started to wail. She was not the first child to ever show separation anxiety at the beginning of school, but Roberta’s case was so serious that even the principal got involved. The principal said she had never seen a child so distraught, and she did not know what to do.
“We tried for about three days with the same result. Every day she would cry, and every day we would end up bringing her home. We would explain to her that schools were not for parents. We had already been to school when we were little, and now it was her turn. One day she would have children, and they would go to school too.
“Roberta seemed to understand, but each attempt led to the same result.
“The second week Kat said she had an idea. Maybe she could attend Roberta’s class, sit inconspicuously in the back, and Roberta could look at her from time to time to relieve her anxiety. Of course the principal knew of Kat’s educational stature and immediately agreed. Over about two weeks, Roberta started to adapt, and finally the third week Kat told Roberta, ‘Now, Roberta, you know I cannot sit in class with you the rest of your life. Do you remember what we talked about as a family?’
“Roberta seemed like she would bawl but Kat held up her index finger as if she would shake it at her. Kat had never been stern with Roberta before. Kat said, ‘Roberta, today I am going home, and you are staying at school.’
“Roberta kept looking at Kat’s finger and finally said, ‘Yes, ma’am.’
“As Kat was leaving, a child said, ‘Who is that white woman?’ Another child said, ‘She’s some old lesbian. Says she is her aunt.’
“Another child piped in, ‘How can she be the aunt? She’s white! What’s lesbian?’
“The teacher had heard the comments. She found the child who had said lesbian and put her hand on the scruff of the child’s neck, so to speak.
“‘What did you say, child?’ The child hesitated and then said, ‘That nice white lady is Roberta’s aunt.’
“And that was that.
“Little Roberta settled in. She breezed through her classes and continued to sing in the choir. All the way through high school her teachers said she was a bright girl, and articulate, but timid and not eager to speak unless it was a last resort. She would have been valedictorian, but she never made an A in PE, which brought down her GPA. Roberta couldn’t connect with the other girls for team sports.
“As we got closer to college, Kat, Roberta A., and I couldn’t stop talking about Spelman. Little Roberta wouldn’t say much, just the requisite ‘that’s right’ and ‘yes, ma’am.’ We made her apply and helped her with the application.
“She graduated high school in 1969 and that entire summer she would say, ‘Mama, why do I have to go to Atlanta to Spelman? Why can’t I just go to FAMU and live with you? I don’t want to go away, Mama.’
“I would give her a hard look and say, ‘You are going to Spelman for your future, and to make us proud.’
“‘Yes, ma’am,’ she would say.
“In late summer of 1969 I went with her on the Greyhound bus and attended school orientation. I have to say I was scared; I had never traveled out of Tallahassee before. Spelman was so grand, filled with young black women Roberta’s age. All brimming with excitement about their futures, and about the intellectual environment. And the professors! So many educated black people! But Roberta did not show any excitement and before I got on the bus to come home, she asked one last time, ‘Can I come home with you, Mama, please?’
“It was heartbreaking for both of us, but I knew what I had to do for Roberta. ‘No,’ I said, gave her a kiss, and came home by myself.
“Roberta did fine in her classes. She decided she would be a teacher, maybe an English teacher. But she didn’t have friends, and did not engage in the Spelman life outside of her classes. She would come home at school breaks and always ask if she could stay home and transfer to FAMU. I would give her that stern look, and she would demure.
“When she went back for her third year, after a week she called home all excited. She had met a man! And he loved to listen to her sing. ‘I didn’t expect to meet a man, Mama,’ she said. ‘I’m so happy!’
“Kat, Roberta A., and I were all relieved. We all felt guilt and angst forcing her to go to Spelman, but now things would be okay.
“‘Praise the Lord she’s not a lesbian,’ joked Roberta A.
“But by Christmas, Roberta came home, crying, staying in her room, not eating, not taking a bath. One day we forced her to eat with us. She sat there for a minute, then said, ‘He raped me. Then he left. And now I’m pregnant.’
“Then she got up, ran to her room, and locked the door.
“In the past, Roberta A. always seemed to know what to do at these critical moments. But this time she was at a loss. Finally, she said, ‘I have an idea. I’ll be back in a while.’
“When she came back, she had brought Miss Amy. Amy greeted me and Kat and then proceeded to knock on Roberta’s door. Roberta didn’t immediately answer. Amy started to sing:
“‘Rock-a my soul in the bosom of Abraham, rock-a…so wide you can’t get around it…’
“Her voice was so loud in our tiny house that it seemed to shake. The door opened and Roberta seemed shocked to see Miss Amy standing right in front of her. Amy said, ‘Don’t be sad, child, the world is so wide you can’t get around it.’
“With that, Amy took Roberta and squeezed Roberta’s head into her church bosoms. Roberta sobbed a couple of times and then let Amy into the room and closed the door. It was only a few minutes and then you could hear them singing alternately:
“‘So high you can’t go over it’
“‘So low you can’t go under it’
“‘So wide you can’t go around it’
“‘Oh, rock-a my soul.’
“They stopped singing and then we could hear them talking in whispered voices. When they came out at first Roberta just looked at the floor and wouldn’t meet our gaze. But Amy said, ‘Child, you gotta look people in the eye.’
“So, she looked directly at me, then ran over to hug me and said, ‘I’m sorry, Mama.’
“And I said, ‘You don’t need to say sorry you got raped. I’m sorry I forced you to go away.’
“‘That’s okay, Mama. I’m home now. Amy said there’s a man who can help me. Dr. Alexander. Amy said he delivered me. I’m gonna ask him about an abortion. Amy’s gonna take me.’
“‘I don’t got no car, silly girl.’
“Roberta A. said, ‘We’re going in my car. I can fit five people. Maybe a little tight with those bosoms of yours, Amy.’
“We all laughed.
“We all piled into the car, and halfway to the clinic it occurred to Kat to ask, ‘Do you think we need an appointment?’
“Roberta A. looked at her and said, ‘Don’t be silly. We will be patient and Dr. Alexander will see us.’
“We did have to wait about two hours to see Dr. Alexander. When it was our turn, the nurse looked incredulous that all five of us went into the exam room. When Dr. Alexander came in he said, ‘Am I seeing all five of you?’
“Amy said, ‘Now, Dr. Alexander, you don’t have to stick your hand up all five of us…’
“Kat harumphed and Roberta A. just giggled. Amy continued, ‘This is little Roberta. You delivered her nineteen years ago. She was raped and now she wants an abortion.’
“‘I see, said Dr. Alexander. ‘And the police aren’t doing anything?’
“Silence.
“‘Let’s see. You are Mrs. Jasmine Barnes, Miss Kat Sulleman, Mrs. Roberta Atkins, and of course little Roberta and Amy. I remember they all had chocolate and vanilla ice cream after you were born, Roberta. Except Amy wasn’t there.
“‘And ladies. I know that you all have Little Roberta’s best interests at heart. But Little Roberta is an adult, and I need to talk to her in private about her decision. If you don’t mind, Miss Jasmine, you can all wait in the hall for a moment. I’ll be here with nurse Francis and Little Roberta.’
“After a few minutes Doctor Alexander came out and said to us, ‘You can go in now and I think she’ll tell you what we talked about. If you don’t mind, we do need to use the room in a few minutes. And nice to see all of you today. Amy, I’m sure you’ll be back here soon for something or other. And Miss Sulleman, feel free to make an appointment.’
“Roberta snickered and elbowed Kat hard enough in her side to make her harumph.
“When we were back in the car, Roberta told us what the doctor had asked her. He said he could give her an abortion if she decided not to keep the child. He understood it was the result of rape. Nevertheless, he couldn’t do the abortion for several days, so he wanted her to go home and think about it. No rush, but when she decided, she could call the clinic for an appointment. Dr. Alexander also said he admired all of us for supporting Little Roberta. But that it was her choice.
“We all got in the car and as soon as we turned onto the road Roberta A. said, ‘Who wants some ice cream? I feel like some chocolate and vanilla ice cream.’”
Miss Jasmine paused and drank some water.
Larry, seeing that Miss Jasmine had finished her story, said, “Chocolate and vanilla ice cream sounds good right now.”
“You can’t eat chocolate and vanilla ice cream in the morning, fool, not until after lunch,” said Kenneth.
Rosemary said, “Kenneth, I love chocolate and vanilla ice cream in the morning. Miss Jasmine, do you have any chocolate and vanilla ice cream?”
“I do not,” answered Miss Jasmine. “But if that fool Larry would take you to the store you could get some. ’Cept he ain’t got no money.”
“Oh, that’s okay, Miss Jasmine. I have money. I have a job. We serve librarians.” Rosemary smiled at Larry and said, “C’mon, fool, let’s go get that damn ice cream.”
Then she grabbed his hand and led him out the door.
“There they go,” said Miss Jasmine. “All twelve-foot-six of them. A Spelman girl and a welfare project.”