February 10, 2020
When they got to the restaurant, they went straight inside.
“It’s Miss Jasmine, everybody,” said Jackson Jackson.
People in the restaurant shouted, “Good morning, Miss Jasmine,” and some clapped their hands.
“I have the sound set up, Miss Jasmine. I’ll let you make the announcement.”
Miss Jasmine walked to the microphone at the front of the restaurant and cleared her throat.
“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Today is a special day for me. It’s my daughter Roberta’s birthday. But she passed almost fifty years ago. Today is also Mr. Jackson Jackson’s birthday; he’s twenty. It’s my friend Sam here’s mother’s birthday, born on the same day as me. And his sister too. Also, Roberta Flack’s birthday, what a singer! February 10th is also the day that Larry and Whale saved me after I fell off the porch.
Jackson Jackson interrupted. “And ladies and gentlemen, the reason we are here today is that it’s Miss Jasmine’s 101st birthday …”
The restaurant broke into cheers. When they finally stopped, Miss Jasmine said, “Now my little Roberta, one of her favorite books was Green Eggs and Spam. She begged me to make her green eggs and Spam, but I never did. So today, in honor of my baby’s birthday, I am going to personally serve each of you green eggs and Spam. And while I do, my friend Sam here is going to read you the story.”
“I ain’t eating no green eggs and Spam,” said one man.
“Shut up, fool,” said a large, elderly woman with big bosoms. “Listen here, if you don’t eat your green eggs and Spam, you’ll be disrespecting Miss Jasmine’s daughter. Besides, the ham ain’t green—just the eggs.”
The man was quiet. Sam and Kenneth thought the lady looked like Miss Beverly. If she was, she’d be at least eighty years old by now.
Then Rosemary and Jackson started to come out of the kitchen with some trays. “We’re ready.” Rosemary picked up some trays and said, “Miss Jasmine, you come with me, and Sam, you go up there with Mr. Jackson.”
“Ready, Sam?” asked Jackson Jackson.
“Yes, sir,” said Sam, holding the book and standing in front of the microphone.
Sam started reading: “I am Sam, I am. And I might like ham, but I won’t eat no green eggs with Spam.”
People laughed at Sam’s Spam.
As he started reading, Rosemary carried the trays over to the tables. Miss Jasmine took the plates off the trays and gave them to the customers. Around the restaurant you could hear Sam’s voice blended with the customers:
I like green eggs and ham
I like green eggs, but not with Spam
Maybe on a boat, but not with a goat
I might eat them in the rain
But not on a train in Spain
Somebody said they would eat them at a fair with a bear
And that first man who got scolded said I do not like them anywhere
Miss Beverly—yes, it was Miss Beverly—walked over to him and said, “Tyrone, eat your damn eggs before I have to slap you and call your mama.”
Mr. Tyrone said, “Well, I like ham, could I have my green eggs with ham instead of Spam?”
Miss Jasmine told Tyrone, “That’s fine, we’ll bring you some damn ham. As long as you eat your green eggs, yes you can!”
The breakfast went on that way, Miss Jasmine so happy that she could serve breakfast at 101 years old, much less serve green eggs, ham, and Spam. It turned out that Miss Beverly had known Tyrone’s mama all along, and from over the years she had called Tyrone to keep him in line. While people were talking and laughing, Officer Downs came in.
“Look, everybody, it’s Officer Downs!” said Jackson Jackson.
The restaurant murmured a lot of vague “good mornings” and kept talking.
Then Officer Downs said, “I heard ya’ll was having green eggs and Spam, and I thought I’d check in. I also heard Kenneth was going to tell a story. I don’t want to miss that. After all, Miss Jasmine is a public institution, and I rescued her when she fell off the porch, so maybe I’m in the story.”
“Well, please sit right here next to Miss Beverly,” said Jackson Jackson. “I’m sure she’ll let you squeeze in.”
The restaurant tittered about that, even Officer Downs. Because they were all thinking about Miss Beverly’s prodigious eighty-year-old bosoms.
Then Rosemary and Miss Jasmine came to her table with the green eggs, Spam, some ham, and Whale at Miss Jasmine’s feet. Officer Downs frowned.
He said, “Now, Miss Jasmine, I like any kind of eggs. And my mama read Green Eggs and Spam to me. So, I’d eat green eggs in a moat with a goat, or on in the wrong lane in the rain. I’d eat them there or here, preferably with a beer. I would eat them far or near. But you see this doughnut shop waist of mine, and you can guess my doctor told me to not eat ham, or Spam, Sam I am.”
Everybody laughed and then he said, “Now, Miss Jasmine, Manager Jackson…”
“Just Jackson, Officer Downs, plain old Jackson, please.”
“Well, you know I am a police officer, and you know that I am supposed to follow rules. Treat everyone equally. And I see you got this cute dog here, but the health department…”
Miss Beverly interrupted him.
“Now, Junior Downs, you know I knew your mama before she passed. You just said Miss Jasmine is a public institution. And you said you rescued her. Well, this little dog did more to rescue her than you. All you did was drive Kenneth to the hospital in the back of the patrol car like he was a criminal!”
Kenneth laughed. Officer Downs started to explain to Miss Beverly, “Well, even if that dog…”
Miss Beverly said, “Well, let me explain to you. I know you respect Miss Jasmine not just because she is a public institution, but also because she is 101 years old and you respect your elders. Well, this dog of hers is nineteen years old. She is still spry, but if she were a person she’d be about one hundred—definitely your elder.”
“But, Miss Beverly…”
“And one more thing, Junior. Talking about enforcing rules and what not, maybe somebody should tell your wife about that sweet young thang of yours—how would you like that?”
“Now, Miss Beverly…”
“Everybody knows about that ’cept yore wife, ’cause nobody told her. At least not yet.”
This time, Officer Downs did not respond.
Finally, Miss Beverly said, “Good, it’s settled then. You are gonna sit here and enjoy these damn eggs. Miss Jasmine here is honored to serve you. When you get your eggs, Miss Jasmine is going to go back over there and sit with Rosemary, her two welfare projects, and that professor. Then Kenneth is gonna tell that Whale story about how Officer Junior Downs honored his city and rescued Miss Jasmine from the jaws of death! How would you like that?”
“Yes, ma’am, that sounds real good. I would like that.”
“Then shut up and eat your damn eggs!”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Whale barked once. Miss Jasmine served Officer Downs a heaping portion of green eggs with no ham or Spam. Miss Beverly put her arm around Officer Downs and squeezed him up against her big bosoms. Rosemary balanced Miss Jasmine as they started to serve coffee.